Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
