Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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