I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
