my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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