im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
