I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
