Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
