You just made me feel so damn special
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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