plz talk dirty to me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
