I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
