My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
