I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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