I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
