Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
