i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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