batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
