i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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