im gay
i know
yea but for you.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
