Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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