the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
