what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dear god my vagina.
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