You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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