I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
