he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
