Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
