He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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