im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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