If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
high people should be assigned attendants
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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