once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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