Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
