so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
