I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
