I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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