The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
