He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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