Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
