What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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