Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
