You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We're too hungover to prance.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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