I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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