Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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