think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
