it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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