everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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