You really coming over, don't trick.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
