Small penises have feelings too.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
