I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
