in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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