Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
