I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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