She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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