we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
