I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
